The One Where They Revoke My Mommy Badge
Thursday, January 13, 2011 at 1:06AM | by Katy It’s been a running joke in my household that someone might call DFCS (pronounced dee-facks for all you non-Americans out there) on me one day for my lack of wherewithal when it comes to parenting. Honestly, I have little or no idea what I’m doing. I forget to eat lunch 99% of the time. I can’t even keep my houseplants alive. And, sadly, most of my experience comes from reading other blogs or observing out-of-control parents in public and saying to myself, “Well, obviously I’d never do that.”
This is a strategy that has worked surprisingly well for me so far. Our kid is healthy, extremely happy and already fluent in six languages. We took a 9-month training course while he was in utero. Did the whole headphones on the belly thing. Worked like a charm. Next week we start training for his first triathlon.
Truthfully, I’ve been pretty chilled out about this whole mommy thing from day one. Something that surprised me and pretty much everyone who knows me. When it comes to JJ, I don’t get worked up about little things. Which is why it surprised me when I had a total meltdown last week.
It was a perfectly normal morning for us: coffee, breakfast, playing on the rug while we watched Dr. Phil and Judge Judy. I realized we had a “code brown,” so I laid JJ on the floor to change his diaper. He rolled over to his stomach immediately. So, I flipped him back over to his back. He rolled over again. I flipped him again. He rolled again. This continued no joke for five straight minutes. Each time he rolled over, I became more and more irritated. And each time I flipped him back he became more and more irritated. He screamed, his arms flailed around, and he kicked me a few times in the belly. Finally, I flipped him over, put my hands through my hair, and screamed as loudly as I could. Twice.
Well, that got his attention.
He looked up at me with his big, blue eyes, stuck out his bottom lip and whimpered as if to say, “What the heck did you do that for, lady?” It was by far the most defeated I have felt as a mother.
Side note: We had his 6-month doctor’s appointment a few days after this incident. (Yes, I know he’s 8 months. Don’t ask.) Fortunately, his eardrums are fully in tact. Because I truly did worry about that. And, since I failed the post-partum depression pop quiz they give me every time I go there, I had a fun chat with the pediatrician about our little “episode.” I swear they’re going to revoke my mommy badge one day. I need to start cheating on those pop quizzes.
I still have no idea what came over me. After I freaked out, I put JJ down for his nap and called Brian. He was in a meeting, so, I texted him, “I NEED you to call me!” That got his attention. He called immediately and talked me down from my diaper-induced rage. Somehow he always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. If only I heard half of what he says to me: “I’m sorry, Brian, you’re going to have to repeat that. I was distracted…”
Fortunately, I’m better this week. I’ve found my happy place…about a mile past Caffeine High and just before you get to Drug Induced Coma.
Baby, Depression, Judge Judy, Parenting
Reader Comments (4)
Hilarious! we all lose our minds with something it's just how you handle it. I've had friends that have a momma drink at the end of the day when it was bad. There is always a workout out to beat out the defeat...and other mommys to drink a cup of Joe with and ask " is my kid normal". Or me who does a mix of these including singing at the top of my lungs to shut both of them up (which they both ended up laughing and smiling maybe I'm on to something). Just know your kid is not the only kid that flips. Get a toy he can play with and learn to hold him down with one hand and you are all set. Love, LJ
You are learning what it took me about 20 years to figure out....being a parent means that you spend most of your life trying to make other people do things they don't want to do. I hate to tell you, but you are just getting started down that road!
Hey, Katie! Your title got me, I had to look to see what was so bad. I have to say, you are doing a great job. You still have your cute sense of humor. JJ is blessed to have you for a mama, girl! Don't be so hard on yourself. :-) And, yes, sounds like you need to start cheating on those quizzes at the pediatrician's office! We all lose our cool, sometimes. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. Just learn from your mistakes (if you even want to call it that). Think of possible solutions to frustrating situations and try them out. Just like your friend said, give him a toy to hold or try making silly faces at him, etc. It gets easier and you will get more confident in your mommy skills. You aren't doing anything wrong. We all learn with the first one. Love ya!
I feel like we are living parrallel lives...for real!