The One Where I Outrage My Yuppie Friends

This particular post is not intended for those who have the following: 1) a boy and 2) one or more smocked outfits for said boy. I don't judge you. I just think you want people to torment your kid.

Here is a four-way email conversation between my mom, my dad, Brian and me. We discuss my absolute disdain for smocked clothing.

Mom begins:

Katy,

These folks are having a sale on children's classic clothes!  Go to the site and let me know if there is anything you would like me to buy for J.J.!!!! www.littleenglish.com

Love you,

Mama

I appropriately respond:

Honestly, just shoot me in the head if I ever let JJ look like this:
http://www.littleenglish.com/little-english/pimaturtleneck2.htm

And that should answer your question as to whether or not I want you to order something from them.

And then Brian chimes in:

My personal favorite...

http://www.littleenglish.com/little-english/smockedlongalltrainongingham.htm

There would be no words to describe how proud I would be to call this child my son... seriously...no words at all...

And I respond:

All he needs is a koozie with beer and a ball cap and he's a frat boy at UGA.

And mom asks:

My only questions is, What is wrong with this picture?  His hair? 

I hope the outfit is not the question mark!  He has 2 outfits here waiting on him when he arrives!!

Love you,
Mama

And I exclaim:

The question you should ask yourself is: "What ISN'T wrong with this picture?"

Dad chimes in:

Amen.

Brian says:

I keep looking at this site wondering why these clothes would ever go on sale? I'm sure there is a huge demand.

Dad's lengthy response:

Go figure.

Then I say:

Yes, I'm sure the yuppie soccer moms of the world have grabbed these up by the mini-van-loads!

And then Brian makes my favorite comment of the entire chain:

We could just go ahead and get him ready for public school, too. We'll just dress him in this outfit then take turns knocking his lunch out of his hands, tripping him in the hall, stealing his homework, beating him up on the playground, and locking him in the bathroom.
http://www.littleenglish.com/little-english/charlieromper.htm

We didn’t hear much from mom after that.

And now I'm just waiting to get hate mail from half of my girlfriends and this company we're picking on (Little English). Bring it on, people. I'm not scared of you OR your little boys in smocked rompers!

Comments

[Susan]

Katy
Seriously???
I had to delete the rest of my response - but suffice it to say that I for one LOVE smocked clothes for boys and gilrs and have smocked many of them as well!

[Marsha]

Oh my word...smocked clothing...I'm with you on this one Katy!

[Kelley Statham]

Why do all the little boys have Dorothy Hamil haircuts??? I think boys that wear those outfits are probably named Francoise and get wet willies and wedgies every day of their life!

[Katy]

HAHAHAHAHA, Kelley! That's awesome! I laughed REALLY hard at your comment.

[Drew]

The last kid, that name is way too close to lucifer for me to buy anything they sell! Although that pink outfit looks like something I had to wear as a kid. No wonder they stuffed me into lockers and flicked my ear so much it created a permanent distortion!

[Pam]

Drew & Katy,

I feel so sorry for both of you! You were totally abused as children! You had parents who kept you fed, warm, & dressed in clean clothes! Maybe they did have ducks, bunnies, & goats on them! Just wait until you (or our kids) look back at the clothes you put them in!! Then maybe I will listen to your whining!!!!!

I love you both!
Mama