The Best and Worst Therapists I Ever Had

It wasn't Eyebrows.

Nor was it the real, live cowboy who loved to use kitchen appliance metaphors to describe sex. ("Women are like crock pots. And men? They're like microwaves." Scary, right? He would even draw pictures for us. As if we would say, "Well, I didn't really understand intimacy all that well...that is until you drew those two stick figures and common kitchen appliances. Then it all clicked!")

Be honest. Does this drawing make my butt look big?
No, It was a well-respected therapist (in a city I won't mention and in a state I won't mention) whose inability to stop watching the clock nearly DROVE ME TO INSANITY.

This man spent 90% of our 60 minute session staring at the clock above my head. As if to say, "Does this woman have an off switch?" It was completely demoralizing. Here I was pouring my heart out to a man who was clearly concerned that he might be late for his hair plug appointment. (Was that too harsh?) And let's add to that the fact that this was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was struggling to get through each and every day. I couldn't sleep or eat and as a result ended up at a dangerously low weight (about 20 pounds less than normal according to my doctor). And this man had the nerve to tell me that I looked "full" enough to him. This from the man who kept a photo of his 80-pound wife on the bookshelf right at eye level. I had to feel her skinny, judgmental eyes on me at each and every appointment.

Believe me, I know I belong in therapy.

And this brings me to my current psychologist. Although I didn't seek out another American therapist, it's refreshing to talk to someone who understands the challenges of living in a foreign country. I haven't yet come up with a clever nickname for him (as promised), but that is partially because I sent him a link to this site. But it would be easier if we had a clever name for him...so...

Let's call him Ears.

Not because his are deformed or abnormally large. Honestly, I've never noticed his ears except that they seem to absorb a remarkable amount of my incoherent rambling. And not only does he listen, but I believe he has given me a huge amount of clarity. I won't go into much more detail until I've been given a formal diagnosis, but let's just say that it's a good thing WebMD doesn't charge per page view. 'Cause we'd be flat broke.

Comments

[Doru]

You are hilarious, Katy... and very clever! Good chatting with you today. Keep writing... Think of how we can use your humor to spice up my topic... There's got to be a way !!